Category Archives: Screaming Memes

What Mallory Needs

This is the best meme ever, stolen from Joshilyn Jackson at Faster than Kudzu. 

What you do is google your name and the word needs.  So I googled “Mallory needs…” and here are the first 10 entries:

1.  Mallory needs a toy (oy, how did google find out about my B.O.B. post?!)

2.  Mallory needs ketchup on her burger (true.  and mustard and mayo please.  oh, and better make it a veggie burger!)

3.  Mallory needs a bodyguard (um, do you know something I don’t know?)

4.  Mallory needs access to the traffic (ah, no, actually, I get plenty o’ traffic driving the kids to school in Outer Bumsquat morning and afternoon, thanks anyway!)

5.  Mallory needs to be here (ok, you got me!  Where’s the party?!)

6.  Mallory needs a real job, one that produces a bona fided W-2 (Wow this is scarily accurate, sort of, ‘cuz I have a real job but I am on a leave of absence and now I am slaving away at housework and wound care and other fun stuff but it does not pay (except in hugs and love and gratitude, which is more than enough, but still,  I will now demand a W-2 from my disabled mother.  Thank you, google!)

7.  Mallory needs to humiliate him and Pepper will lose his marbles (Ok, I’m game, hey Pepper, your name is a seasoning!  Take that!)

8.  Mallory needs to take up collecting stamps or something (um, ok, I choose “or something” )

9.  Mallory needs to go back to wherever she’s been whoring around (ok, Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street?)

10.  Mallory needs to spend hundreds of millions of dollars (now this one is definitely my favorite!  Let’s get started now!)

Ok, now it’s your turn!  You do it and let me know in the comments so I can come read it!

Mallory, From A-Z

[UPDATE: If you do this meme tell me in the comments so I can come to your blog and read it!  Long live the meme!]

A is for Age: 
37.  Over-the-hill but not quite under it.  So, yay me.

B is for Booze of choice:
Shirley Temples.  Not really, but what’s a tee-totaler to say?  Iced tea and plenty of it is my preferred libation.
C is for Career:
Mom.  Everything else is secondary…
D is for your Dog’s name:
Hazel, Australian Shepherd extraordinaire.  I also have Smokey the Lame but Adorable Cat, Trevor the Female Aquatic Frog. 

E is for Essential Care Instructions:
Hmmm.  Feed me, love me, rub my back, give me lots of iced tea.  Do not wake me up.  And presents!  Presents are nice…

F is for Favorite food at the moment:
Orange Chicken from Panda Express. 

G is for favorite Games:
“Zuma” and “What Word” and “Jeopardy” on the ‘puter; “Cranium” is definitely my favorite board game.

H is for Hometown:
Roswell, NM.  Seriously.  I am not an alien that I know of, however.

I is for Instruments you play:
I can play Silent Night and Jingle Bells on the piano.  I live in hope of getting lessons one day and broadening my repretore.
J is for favorite Jams:  On my ipod, you’ll find everything from Sheryl Crow to Paul Simon, Nora Jones to my favorite 80’s songs like Funky Town and Le Freak.

K is for Kids:
Lovely Liliana, age 14 (!) and Wicked Witted Mathew, age just turned 12 in March.
L is for Last kiss:
This morning, from Hazel, unfortunately.

M is for Most admired trait:
Hmmm.  Well, I guess I would say intelligence and sense of humor, but then I would, wouldn’t I? lol

N is for Name of your crush:
Crush? None to speak of.  Ok, I am waiting to see if Matt Damon’s marriage works out…
O is for Overnight hospital stays:
Having my tonsils out, age 7; Having my gallbladder out, last August, Having my babies out, age 23 and 25

P is for phobias:
Heights.  Falling.  A wee bit scared of air travel, which seems natural, considering it involves both heights and the possibility of falling.  Yikes!
Q is for quotes you like:
 “I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see.” John Burroughs

R is for biggest Regret:
Not working my ass off in school, getting lots of scholarships and becomming a doctor.
S is for Sweets of your choice:
Chocolate: preferably See’s, but a nice Lindor Truffle or Hershey’s Symphony bar will do in a pinch.
T is for Time you wake up:
6 a.m, generally.  Unless I have CBS- “Cozy Bed Syndrome”  then later
U is for Unique Facts: I was on a t.v. show as a child, aged 11-14.  It cured me of ever wanting to be famous.

V is for Vegetable you love:
Broccoli, asperagas, sweet corn on the cob, a good spinach salad.  Thank God I love veggies.
W is for Worst Habit:
Too many to list.  Ok, ok, I’m a (reformed) slob and I eat too much. 

X is for X-rays you’ve had:
When I was 11 for broken wrist, and again when I was 13 for you guessed it, the same broken wrist.  Also lots of dental x-rays, and chest x-rays because I am prone to pneumonia.

Y is for Yummy food you make:
I make a pretty good potato salad, my mom’s recipe.  I also make a mean brownie and chocolate chip cookies.  I have recently discovered that I am a good but reluctant cook.

Z is for Zodiac sign:
Capricorn.  Famous for being stubborn.  That part is true, but I think Astrology is all hooey.